| Description | [Diary Transcription]
152
1828
October
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sooner had not heart to do it Charlotte could not understand my feelings [illegible] were vivid
my friendship perhaps warmer than friendship in general I had doted none knew how much on Tib
a first friendship like a first love never quite got over I should always feel a regard for
Tib could not feel again but in proportion was the bitterness of my disappointment etc. and
even now I would rather go and sleep in the stable than go to Tib this might seem a strong expression but Charlotte
could not possibly understand my feelings had before hinted that I could live more happily with Charlotte than Tib
if anything happened to my aunt should want some companion π [Mariana] if at liberty if not hinted as if I could
not wait expressed great anxiety for Charlotte’s good opinion she seemed to agree in all I said and we parted
very good friends — fine morning, and finish day till about 2 p.m. afterwards rainy afternoon and evening —
[margin text:] Sunday 9 November 1828.
I think I explained also the whole of
my misunderstanding with Mrs. Belcombe.
Saturday 11
9 20/60
3 3/4
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No motion at breakfast at 10 1/2 — Mrs. Norcliffe and Charlotte went out in the carriage — have now their own carriage horses
and postilion, very neat set-out — came up to my own room at 2 — from then to 4 1/2 at intervals (for IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] came
and staid talking and afterwards Charlotte) wrote out the last 5 lines of Wednesday, the whole of Thursday and all but the
last 4 1/2 lines of yesterday — Tib told me as a profound secret not yet mentioned even to her mother
that Cecil Dalton was to marry his cousin Madelen sad business but he so reckless what he did
and so unhappy his father and mother had consented — I had just begun to dress when M- [Mariana] and Mrs. Milne
drove up at 4 3/4 — put on my dress again and went down to meet them π [Mariana] wishing me to meet Mrs Milne before
them all shook hands with her looked rather foolish at each other but none but π [Mariana] could possibly observe it I
hardly uttered at dinner or during the evening Mrs. Milne seemed in good spirits laughed and talked but
she and I never addressed one single word to each other and I as she saw avoided her eye shook hands with her on wishing
good night was sslinking out unobserved but π [Mariana] called me back afterwards went for a moment
into Mrs Milne’s room with π [Mariana] and Tib — Dinner at 5 1/2 — Came up to my room at 11 — got nearly ready for bed, and went to M- [Mariana] at 11 1/2
she sat up till after 1 then got into bed, and I sat on her bedside till 3 1/2 latterly rubbing her
ancles which were deadly cold — she far from well — her nerves sadly shattered — But just before
leaving right middle finger up gave her much pleasure warmed her and left her dropping
asleep she had at first said she had a hundred pounds for me and I had frightened her abou
t my great expenses till I saw she was getting seriously alarmed when I explained all
truly and therefore satisfactorily — fine day — Tib waked up and talked for near an hour
I have never attempted or hinted at particular intercourse tonight just put my hand to her for
a moment and found her dry as a board — all the evening almost talking to M- [Mariana] about Caroline Cameron — 1/2 inclined not to take her till, I found M- [Mariana] had actually engaged her — she wrote to Mrs. Belcombe expressive of my doubts —
[margin text:] M- [Mariana] gave me her picture she had got done in London
not at all like — nobody but Watson knows of it. not like enough to name to the rest —
Sunday 12
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2 35/60
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π [Mariana] came for near an hour to Tib and me in bed. π [Mariana] went into Mrs Milne’s room for an instant she dressed Charlotte in bed Breakfast at 11 — all walking in parties up
and down before the house CN- [Charlotte Norcliffe] and I together — she afterwards brought out Mrs. Milne who had been left in
the house by herself — Addressed not a word to her but none would observe it — went to afternoon church —
afterwards sauntered about a little and then IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] left us, and M- [Mariana] and I took 1/2 hour’s walk in the East balk field —
Dinner at 5 1/4 — Had looked by stealth at Mrs. Milne at church which she perceived and returned the compli
ment this evening our looks sseemed to understand each other she contrived to be opposite and her
eyes sspoke passion and she scarcely uttered the whole evening she would flirt with me again
with as much gout as ever and would fancy from my looks that I was only restrained by π [Mariana] Came up to
my room at 11 — made M- [Mariana] get into bed, and sat by her till 12 when IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] came and we staid with M- [Mariana] (lying on her
bed) till 2 25/60 — IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] observed that something had occurred to annoy Mrs. Milne she had hardly spoken all the evening — IN- [Isabella Norcliffe]
knew her countenance quite well — she was certainly annoyed at something — Poor Tib how little she or anyone else but
π [Mariana] could guess the truth — very fine day —
153
1828
October Monday 13
9 40/60
12
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π [Mariana] came to Tib and me in bed at eight got into confidential conversation with Tib and owned
her unhappiness with L [Charles Lawton] as she afterwards ssaid she had done yesterday to Charlotte Mrs. Norcliffe came in and saw
us all four [illegible] together for Charlotte had just before come and got into bed to us I pressed Mrs. Norcliffe to come too
and almost fancied at one moment that she would π [Mariana] and I praised Langton no place like it for heart
did us good to come now and then on that account never saw anybody nowadays who had heart like the Norcliffes
packed — breakfast at 11 — Glorious opportunity for a few moments tête à tête with Mrs. Milne but followed
the rest to her disappointment and went into the kitchen to see an omelette soufflé made — Left
Langton (off with M- [Mariana]) at 1 1/2 — bring away my picture by Millet, given to IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] many years ago —
promise to return it before leaving England — IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] and Mrs. Norcliffe for her sake not perhaps quite satisfied at my bringing
it away without giving any reason — M- [Mariana] had given me her picture on Saturday night done the last time she was in London
not at all like — shewed it to CN [Charlotte Norcliffe] and IN [Isabella Norcliffe] as the picture of Madame de Rosny, and they never dreampt that it
was otherwise — CN- [Charlotte Norcliffe] simply observing to me ‘I did not know you were so intimate as that’ — But it seems
M- [Mariana] knowing the impression this would make, said the picture was not mine, but I had it to shew my friends —
Some how, I cannot help being persuaded, there is some impression on Mrs. Norcliffe’s mind that is not in my favour —
However my explanation to CN- [Charlotte Norcliffe] on Friday would surely set all right in that quarter — mentioned to
M- [Mariana] as we drove along my intention to get IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] another miniature done of me in London — I had
asked what dress she would like me in, and she had carelessly replied ‘in that blonde pelerine’, which I should
remember — alight at Dr. Henry Stephen Belcombe’s minster yard, Yorke, at 4 — keep on my pelisse — dinner
at 5 1/2 — Mrs. Henry Stephen Belcombe with her sister Mrs. Meeke at the Broomes to be absent some time — the 2 girls
(Bagshaws) played badly on the piano — Mariana if nicely managed might be made a nice child —
a young looking prettyish governess with no good mannerism — Steph came in to tea, and we sat talking
till 11 — then went to our room — very fine day —
Tuesday 14
9 1/4
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Three last night at once and two ditto this morning. Breakfast at 10 — M- [Mariana] had a long tête à tête
with Steph, and then I which took us till 12 1/2 — mentioned the perpetually feverish state of my tongue, and the now
costive habit of my body — he gave me a prescription for pills, and for an aperient powder — M- [Mariana] far from well —
her nerves sadly shattered — she must have quiet of mind — change of climate would do good — we had
talked last night of Clifton — resumed the subject — advised him to buy it — promised to do all I could to make the
establishment known — on reckoning up the last quarter’s bills found them £75.18.5 1/2 to which he added £25. (his own
salary for attendance?) = £100 + — there are now 9 patients; — the receipts are about or near £1000 — but take the
neat profit at only £300 per annum, still he could reckon up that his mother had a good income —
Two hundred and twenty five secured thirty 5 rent of house at Scarborough seventy five for a
thousand lent on post obit terms to Mr Lanefox fifty interest of a thousand left by Mr Ste
vens and three hundred from Clifton equal six hundred and eighty five pounds a year — it
was the sixth share of the 225 secured that π [Mariana] and [illegible] Steph signed away so that they each gave
up thirty seven pounds eleven shillings a year — he wrote to L [Charles Lawton] to say Cheltenham would do π [Mariana]
no good now she ought to take medicine first and then go — wrote 2 1/2 ppages to my aunt naming my having been
at Langton, and my taking M- [Mariana] with me to Shibden on Thursday for a few days — not yet able to fix any time for
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