| UserWrapped4 | Please be aware that this diary entry contains sexually explicit language. |
| Catalogue Finding Number | SH:7/ML/E/8/0122 |
| Office record is held at | Calderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service |
| Title | Diary page |
| Description | [Diary Transcription]
232
1825
January Saturday 29
11 1/2
12 20/60
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She telling me last night she was not in a humour for a kiss and saying we ought to have rest I too
k her at her word and fell asleep in the morning however we began talking of one thing or other that excit
ed us I grubbled her well and we had three or four or five very good excitements I saw I gave her more pleasu
re than usual she owned I always praise her for being wet and comfortable particularly on seeing w
hen she got up to leave me that she had wet the bed a little I said she had behaved most handsomely and if
she could always do so I should be delighted she laughed and said I seemed quite proud of my doings
that is of what I had made her feel and do — she had told me Jane’s cousin John Barlow when a boy of four
teen from school used to be very fond of her (Mrs. Barlow) and tell her all sorts of things he had told her
a story off [of] a farmer whose wife had a lover and the husband coming home one day and finding his
dinner not ready but the table ready said oh I see you have dined for their [there] is white of egg on
the table on which he licked it up Mrs. Barlow asked me what this meant I said the man’s sseed I supposed
that she had parted with we had before been talking of men's sseed I said it was like a crystal
jelly she agreed and on my saying it did not stain sheets much she said she could distinguish it by
the blueish white starchy appearance it left she had never liked servants to know her amours
and when Colonel Barlow was not too impatient she had a safeguard a cloth under her I suppose she seems delighted [illegible] to prai
se his manliness and we agreed his sseed must have been of the best kind when she was married she washe
d the sheet after copulation which she had been told of some years afterwards had she known she
would have had a double undersheet Colonel Barlow used to ask what she would have done with a younger
man he had required it oftener when younger but said he never did it better than he did
to her she thought it less exertion to him than to me for he did not breathe so loud and seemed
more composed could speak while he was in the act yet he used to own like me that it was ecs
tasy he never lay upon her for fear of being too heavy and hurting some other time per
haps she will tell me the position he preferred — Breakfast at 12 1/2 — Sat talking till about 3 when Mrs.
Barlow and I went out — She called on Madame de Boyve, Mademoiselle de Sans, Miss Harvey, and Mrs. and Miss Middleton
So did I on all of them, but Madame de Boyve none of them at home — From Place Vendôme to the rue St. Honoré (the 1st. porte-cocher
of the lower side of the street on our the right) called on Madame la Contesse de Fumel and sat about 1/2 hour with
her — another lady there — Found the countess very civil and agreeable — of 1 of the best old families in the
neighbourhood of Bordeaux — at present a little reduced in circumstances, and living au quatrième, but
much respected and visited — in returning sauntered round the Tuileries gardens — On the tearrace d’eau asked
what she used to think of me when we at first walked there ‘I did not think so ill of you as to
believe you capable of what we do now’ yet she always excused me the same excuse said I there
is for me is aqually [equally] an excuse for you no she answered ‘the almighty does not think so’ I looked grave
said she was very severe she did not spare me she saw I was sserious and thoughtful she explained when
we got home she did not mean to say it [illegible] would be wicked if we were really belonging to each
other but only that she had loved me too soon in plain English she was too much like a mistress she was not my [illegible]
wife — got home at 5 — Dinner at 6 1/4 — Madame Galvani came at 6 3/4, and staid till 9 20/60 — we read aloud together the
2 first acts of Molières Femmes savantes — Madame Galvani is to come Tuesday and Saturday evening to give me a few more lessons in
reading — Very fine day — Fahrenheit 57°. at 12 tonight — E o.. — sat up talking to Mrs. Barlow — Lovemaking as usual —
233
1825
January Sunday 30
11 10/60
4 55/60
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quiet last night indeed she is always sso cold on first getting I have no chance till sh
e gets warm by which time I am asleep she was ready for me this morning and I grubbled and should have
a very good excitement or two but Cordingley's coming in spoilt my chance and we were neither of us
sso happy as yesterday morning I said I could not quite reach her the pleasure was when she
came down to me so that I reached the orifice of the womb I had not done or been able to do this quite at first
but I durst not tell her so then and knew she would be right when more accustomed to me asked
how she had felt she said as if I did not quite meet her but there was ssome part I might touch that
would give her greater pleasure said I did not like girls for I would not break the membr
ane for fear of nonsense when they married and therefore the pleasure with them was not so great
said that in copulation I always used my finger to keep the parts open so that I could give them
what came from me — she got up on account of Jane’s coming — Jane arrived from school a little after
11 — Breakfast at 12 1/4 — [illegible] we all came and sat in my room — In the course of the day, before and after
dinner (Dinner at 5 1/2) wrote out (from memoranda) the journals of Tuesday Wednesday Thursday and Friday last — Tea at 8 —
Jane went to bed about 8 1/4 — Mrs. Barlow sat with me till 10 25/60 — I had said to Jane I should never gi
ve the key of this crypt to any human being knowing Mrs. Barlow so well I said it wondering if she would notice it
and then forgot it till seeing her unusually grave I found on inquiry that if she was my own she could not
bear me not to tell her absolutely everything we talked a little of π- [Mariana] I regretted having mentioned
her name for Mrs. Barlow’s mind was now prejudiced if I had not done this she said she would not have had any
thing to say to me but that it was not prejudice rather jealousy I wondered she could be jeal
ous of my friendship while she knew she herself had my heart ah she said you esteem π- [Mariana] very
much and are attached to her but said it is friendship [illegible] yet if I brought her here you
would not like to see her no said she I should feel very small I would gladly change places with
her she knows you so well she would know all about us and if she did I think it would kill me I gave her my
honour π- [Mariana] never should know directly or otherwise from me I saw she was low a few tears trickled d
own her cheeks I told her I was more and more sensible of all she had done for me and hoped she felt assured
I should not make a bad return but that perhaps neither of us could be happy till we went to Italy I should
feel far too deeply the misery of having left cause of unhappiness to her I longed most to make happy
she bade me not think in this way for but I had from the first told her my circumstances [illegible] and had nothing to blame myself f
or I said this was great consolation but I could never bear the thought of having left her unhappy
however I gradually turned the subject and became quietly affectionate said I could do anything for
her love made fools of us all I liked to feel her look at smell and even taste her that is kissed my finger
on withdrawing she laughed and called me pig I said I could even take the medicine given to lying in
peasants (the wringings of their menstruous cloths) it [if] it was of her making she always ssays well I
believe you love me a little I rallied her on her gravity said she this has been a very different day
to me you have been writing all the day and I am accustomed to have you and Jane’s being here interrupted me that I could not employ myself
I asked if she was not sorry to leave me tonight she said she had not thought of it on my expressing regret
she said I do it as a duty and I have one to do I think it right to do it as well as I can poor soul I begin to believ
e she really is fond of me how she will miss me at first telling her this morning that her letters to me would be cool she said
hers would depend on mine — Mademoiselle de Sans sent this morning to ask us to call for her at 7 tomorrow evening to go to a concert —
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| Date | Jan 1825 |
| Extent | 1 page |
| Level | Piece |
| Thumbnail | 
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| ReprodnNote | This transcript has been created to allow keyword searching within our online catalogue. A full transcription (marked-up to show extended abbreviations and highlighting all coded extracts) can be found as a pdf version at the volume level entry SH:7/ML/E/8. Every attempt has been made to ensure the accuracy of this transcription, however, researchers are advised to check against the original diary images before quoting from the transcriptions. We are also happy to receive any corrections to improve the accuracy of the transcriptions if they are found. Further editing will also take place once the project nears completion. For further information about the transcription project see the Anne Lister Diary catalogue entry at SH:7/ML/E. |
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