| Description | [Diary Transcription]
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1825
January
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wife for the seed being gone the danger of impregnation was over but said I when this is not gone [done]
the safest position is sstanding for then the woman does not retain so well I had brought on the
subject by saying [illegible] just before she left me you teach me to do as the French do she asked what
I meant and so came on the above explanation just before she left me this morning I said I had altered
her figure a little she was more comfortable now how said she you are not quite so strait ah s
aid she I thought that was never a fault no never you are right but there is a medium the moist
ure never flows quite so well just at first on this I said men often paid more to have very young women
pas trop usee but were generally deceived then alluding to the first chapter of Romans ssaid
it was having used their wives too much in one place made the men try the other that pleasure de
pended on the tightness of the stricture and this was the reason of pederasty she knew not the me
aning of the word I said it signified the use of boys but I observed if a woman loved her husb
and nature made her hold him tight she seemed to understand — I had before said Mrs. Bolderoe
looked as if she had not got over the painful part they have been married six weeks she agreed sayi
ng women had often a great deal to go through and for a long time but that many men thought only of
themselves when I told her tonight the exact way the French men managed she said I did [illegible] not unders
tand that on expressing my surprise she said I did not quite understand it as you say on this I said
is it possible Miss Harvey should know this oh yes ssaid she Mrs. Middleton would tell her and all men tell thei
r wives she now gets more and more accustomed to me and were I quite well I should have her as often
as I liked and this not at all because she makes ssure [of] me for often nay always [illegible] if I talk of wh
at I shall do in future about Jane she says what castle building and thus sstops me — Mrs. Barlow came
to me about 8 20/60 and left me at 11 35/60 — we had tea at about 9 1/4 — Fine day, though rather thickish —
Fahrenheit 58°. at 11 3/4 — obliged to go down to Mrs. Barlow for my keys which she had taken away — From 12 to 12 50/60 wrote
the whole of this journal of today — Till 1 25/60 looking over Mrs. Barlow’s bills —
Friday 14
9 50/60
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Trying last night to get the middle right finger up myself to see which manner of doing answered best
that I might practise this on Mrs. Barlow but it gave me no pleasure at all rather hurt me and I left off and incurr
ed a cross in my own way that is by rubbing the top part of queer but Mrs Barlow can take one or more fingers with ea
se and I can feel her clitoris all the way up just like an internal penis — obliged to get into bed again this
morning for 10 minutes — the water in the bowl was so dirty I could not, or would not use it — Mrs. Barlow came to me for a minute
just before she went to her banker (Mr. DeLisle) at 11 — Breakfast at 11 — then wrote the last six lines — went out
at 12 — while stopping at a book stall in the rue Castiglione, Mrs. Barlow, passed in a fiacre, took me up, and away we went
to no. [number] 15 Quai Voltaire, and staid there receiving all sorts of things arranging them airing bed’s etc., (I went twice to our ironmongers in the rue du Bac) till after 5 — got home
at 5 35/60 — Dinner at 6 — the count de la Marthony and Mr. St Auban came — We both paid Mr. De Boyve — Mrs. Barlow
and I left the drawing room together at 10 55/60 — I sat 5 minutes with her in her own room, then came up to mine — from 12 to
2 1/4 packing — then wrote the last 4 1/2 lines — Very fine day — rather frosty — the streets pretty clean — Fahrenheit was 56°. at
2 tonight —
Saturday 15
9 3/4
10
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Finished packing and sent off my trunks at 11 — breakfast at 11 — Mademoiselle de Sans sat with me from about 12 to 1 1/2 Mrs. Barlow came
to us for the last 1/2 hour, during which time went for a few minutes to take leave of Mrs. Cunliffe — went down to luncheon
for a minute to see and take leave of Madame de Boyve but she did not make her appearance — Mrs. Page had gone a couple of hours
before, Mrs. Barlow and I sent the remainder of our things into a fiacre Took Cordingley in with us, and got here (no. [number] 15 Quai Voltaire)
221
1825
January
Vc
about 2 Page washing my room where we were to sit as ssoon as it was done and then sleep the other room not being rea
dy we were glad of the excuse not to send for Jane and to sleep together sat for the moment in the salle a manger among
all the furniture Mrs. Barlow looked so grave I asked if she was ill perhaps I talked too much this overcame her spiri
ts — I had just got downstairs on my way out, when I met Madame Galvani — turned back with her, and she sat with
us about 1/2 hour and left us at 4 — went immediately to the Café d’Orsai, en face du pont Royal, and ordered dinner at
5 — (Potage à la Julienne, omelette aux fines herbes, and compote des pruneaus pour deux) — walked through the
gardens 1/2 way along the rue Castiglione, yet did not buy an almanac after all, and got back about 5 — found
Monsieur le comte de la Martonie here, come to pay his respects to Mrs. Barlow in her new house — he sat about
1/2 hour longer — dinner waited and we sat down about 5 1/2 —tea a little after 8 — Mrs. Barlow undressed in her own room
got into bed a few minutes before me and I was in bed at ten — Very fine day — the air rather frosty —
Sunday 16
11 1/2
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3 35/60
She nothing loth last night grubbled for near an hour but not finding myself enough excited no
flow of urine or otherwise ssaid I was not quite right should be better by and by rested perhaps half hour
then at her again feeling myself wet enough (though I put my queer near her she knows how far I am ex
cited) grubbled her above an hour with the exertion I had not a dry thread on me she had flannel and
besides this her night shift and day ditto she got up and went to the cabinet in the meantime I put
on a dry night chemise and we slept a little in each other’s arms awoke at five or six playing
with the top of my queer a little I took it quietly telling her to give up or she would excite me
she soon resumed and I began grubbling surely for longer than ever even she herself wondered
how she could bear it so long but said it must be because she liked me she owned she loved me or she
should not be then with me if I knew her better I should know all this hinted at what she sacrificed
she meant virtue I suppose but I merely said I could sacrifice everything for her Shibden
my friends every prospect I had I had scarcely said it ere the feeling of insincerity on this poi
nt struck me she shed tears as she said if I knew her better etc. and they continued to flow gently some mi
nutes we talked of one thing or other as I grubbled explained to her the different parts of queer
bade her open and shut herself explained the toast of the Wexford oyster that a woman’s queer shoul
d be small like that and salt and smelling like it we got to talk of Colonel Barlow he left her alone
the first night and would longer but he thought it best for her to have it over after the fi
rst time she fainted and he ran to the next room for wine and water she did not know she was to rece
ive anything and when his sseed began to flow from her she thought she was bleeding to death she suff
ered every time till she was in a family way that was five months she was sso small the dean’s daughter’s
husband had attacked her seven times the first night I wanted to look at her just befor
e getting up she would not let me do this but I shall gain the point another time she has no shame with
me now I told her whatever happened she would always have my heart I would at all rates be a
friend in whom she might confide I had said that as she was sso small Colonel Barlow ought to have tr
ied first with his hand she said he did do so and the first time she had ever received pleasure
was from the hand she got up and went to her room to dress a little before eleven and I got up at half past —
Breakfast at 12 1/2 — we had just done when Jane came from school and about 1 1/2 Mr. de Lancey called sat above an hour and then went away because Mademoiselle
de Sans called, and he fancied we had only 3 chairs — Mrs. Barlow went out with him and staid out talking to him 1/2 hour — Mademoiselle de Sans staid till after 4 —
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