| Description | [Diary Transcription]
237
1822
April
Monday 22
7
12 35/60
N
L
Before Breakfast dawdling and packing — Letter from Mrs. Belcombe to say she could not take me in and note from Eliza Belcombe (Haugh end) to say she should meet me at the Inn in the Highflier, if she could get a place — walked to H—x [Halifax] so soon that I had an hour to wait — sat reading at
Whitley’s and looking over a beautiful work 12 nos. [numbers] 8vo [octavo] 12/. each, views of Paris — Eliza Belcombe arrived in the
Highflier and we left H—x [Halifax] together for York at 12 — I on the outside — as far as Leeds, we had the same
coachman that drove me from Manchester to H—x [Halifax] last autumn, and I therefore drove about 5 miles on the road between
Bradford and Leeds — went on the outside till a mile or 2 on this side of Tadcaster — then got in, and we reached the
Tavern York at 6 1/2 — Staid there 1/4 hour while I made myself comfortable and then went to the Belcombes’ — All very
much surprised to see us — I got Mrs. Belcombe’s letter (which I ought to have had on Sunday) just before setting off
to say she could not take either of us in — Found Anne Belcombe dressing to go to the Macleans’ — there being no note
for me, nor any mention made of their expecting me when Anne called in the morning and she not knowing
whether there might be a party or not, I immediately went over to inquire — Found Miss Frederica and afterwards Miss Cecilia
Markham there-— Miss Maclean very glad to see me — had particularly mentioned expecting and was just going to
send off a very kind note that I took from the chimney-piece — Sat 1/2 hour there came here to the Black Swan and ordered a bed and returned to the Belcombes’
to tea, and, in little more than an hour (at 8 40/60), Anne Belcombe and I went to the Macleans and staid with them till 10 20/60
Miss Bosville with them most of the time we were there — General Bosville’s oldest daughter — speaking of birthdays
she said hers was on the 16 September, and Miss Maclean afterwards said she thought she was 20 — Anne rather queerish she s
aid I had taken her wits away by so surprising her but it struck me she was a little
jealous about Miss Maclean — I contrived to leave my hat in her room and afterwards
to go for it and linger a minute or two she certainly likes me said how sorry I was Anne
had been there she was sso also but she had not asked her Anne proposed going and there was no
putting her off — Fine day — though a shower which continued more or less till we got to Dring-houses made me
get inside near Tadcaster — Rainy Evening from about 7 1/4 — Settled myself here at the Black Swan, not
liking to go the Duffins’ or Miss Marsh on such short notice besides feeling more at liberty here
a small but very comfortable room and everything very neat and nice — Miss Maclean not looking so well as I expected — she had
fagged herself by making calls and walking too much —
Tuesday 23
6 1/4
1
Thinking of Miss Maclean prevented my getting to sleep for an hour — left a pearl brooch I got many y
ears ago with Isabella’s hair in it at Barber and Whitwell’s to have a new tongue some of my
own hair put in and Tuesday 23 April engraved on the gold inside part meaning to give it to Miss MacLean —
it originally cost three and a half guineas — At 8 1/2 at Miss Marsh’s — waited till she was quite
dressed and then we went to breakfast at the Duffins’ — they as much surprised to see me as Miss MacLean had been — staid
with them till 9 1/2, then, having promised Miss MacLean to breakfast with them at 9 1/2 or 10, got there at 9 3/4 —
Afterwards walked with Miss Macdonald to Horner’s the dentists — Miss Maclean followed in a chair on account
of the rain — though Miss Macdonald and I had in the meantime near 1/2 hour tête-à-tête — agreeable enough — Perhaps above
an hour at Horner’s — Miss MacLean sent back the chair for me — It rained but I wanted an excuse to follow
Miss MacLean and we were left to ourselves I asked her if she had really regard enough for me to wish our corres
pondence etc. to continue she said yes and gave me sufficient reason to believe her I seemed to
interest her and to make myself agreeable I bade her trust me happen what might and said
238
1822
April
she would still find me the same though we did not meet of twenty years I certainly made several
well wrapt up though flattering professions which were eevidently not disliked in fact I think she is
fond of me talking of her not marrying I asked her if she thought I should and she significantly
replied no she seems to know me tolerably well considering I gave her several traits of
myself in which we quite agreed that we were alike I mentioned my extreme particularity to
those I liked that after once knowing I had gained their regard then I ceased my particular atten
tion in public in short there was a something that forbade doing even alone a thousand things
that others might think nothing of we agreed we were not like but suitable and determined to meet
again as ssoon as we could I promised to go and see her as ssoon as I was at liberty to do so —
she gave me a letter of her brother’s and one from an evangelical friend of hers ssigned D. F. Long. to read
and said there were few she could more confide in than myself — I hinted at having heard (π-[Mariana] told
me at first I think she heard it from the Stricklands but I said I could not name my authority) she had had
a disappointment and that there was ssomething wrong about money matters I fancied her brother
had been extravagant (Wednesday 1 May 1822 — I had just written so far of Tuesday 23 April that night at the Black
Swan, just before getting into bed, when I felt bilious and obliged to give up, and the following is written out from
memoranda made at the time, as I could, on loose pieces of paper) She denied this entirely of her brother
and seemed sorry that anything so unjust had ever been surmised or said of him who had always been every
thing that was good and kind and most prudent — she should like to know how I heard all this but would not
press me further they had made a sad confusion of one thing with another if she and I were more together
she might tell me much but of course it was out of the question at present she said her brother had
once been very anxious for her to marry but she had had no disappointment however I could not help
fancying something very like it from her manner we both however seemed interested with each
others and conversation but time forbade us to linger I felt that if I looked at her much I might
express more than was desirable not that it was love but that sort of tenderness I always feel
towards interesting women I did not therefore look at her scarce at all nor did she do ootherwise
we both perhaps avoided and both acknowledged that we often felt a peculiar something like restraint with those we
we particularly liked I told I felt restrained and the more so in proportion as I really admired and
esteemed I mentioned Anne Belcombe’s ssitting with hold of her hand last night and that I could not
have done it for worlds before anyone and now not even alone we agreed that Anne had no tenderness
of character we both felt shy towards each other and yet it was certainly the shyness that bespoke more
than everyday interest she was ssure she should not like me less the more she knew of me for her regard had
been gradually increasing she was glad I had come over and I had done right at all events she could
not have scolded when she saw me — Miss Maclean being obliged to make 2 or 3 calls, I sat with her till
a little after 1, and then walked with her her sister and Miss Mcdonald as far as the Deanery, promising to call on her again at 3 — Called and
[Margin text:] vide Wednesday
1 May, and
the end of this journal
of today.
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