Catalogue Finding NumberSH:7/ML/E/17/0130
Office record is held atCalderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service
TitleDiary page
Description[Diary Transcription]

248
1834
December
U
a free-thinker — expected over to bring some new religion he had invented — Powis maintained
he was orthodox, though nobody knew why he went to live in Paris — I said I had never seen
him but once; but he was very gentlemanly and did not appear like a freethinker — π [Mariana] said nothing
and L [Charles Lawton] said he was scoundrel of which nobody apparently took any notice π [Mariana] mention
ed it when we came up to bed seemed low and nervous I tried to cheer her advised
her going to London to her uncle and Louisa for a week to see little π [Mariana] till she told me
the history at length of L [Charles Lawton] and Eliza Lawton then told her not to be away said I
saw her mind wavered about leaving L [Charles Lawton] but that she must not do it unless he com
pelled her for refusing to have the girl to live with them or unless something between
him and the girl came out she had taxed with it with what the girl said and he decla
red it was a lie the girl did not like to be alone with him he put his tongue in
to her mouth which said π [Mariana] is you know the last thing but one to which I agreed
we talked of how the girls mind mind might be debauched till π [Mariana] began kissing
me and we got on to such tongueing warm work that she got excited I kept my hands
over her clothes and my arms decently round her till the right wandered to queer
outside till she took up her petticoats and put it to her and I gave her a thorough grubb
ling I think she will have her cousin for it I certainly felt oddish but no wish to
be near to her myself though she said in the midst can you not come near to me for a
minute or two I made no reply but went on never opening my eyes she asked if I
loved her I merely said yes when I did look at her it was in silence neither as if
ashamed nor as if attendri nor caring much I was grave and silent she said she was
better and hoped I should have a good night what is the meaning of all this? can this
be the conduct of a pure minded virtuous woman! I despise it she has tried all
ways to upset me I have done what I have done but she shall never gain more nor ever
I hope a repetition even of this I could have done without it but somehow I thought
gratify her passion by one parting grubble it ought not to have been but I will try
to turn it to some good account by telling her I shall shew her letters and by keeping
out of her way ~ my respect is gone she read me Mr Crewes last letter long and written at
different times according to her request nothing absolutely improper might
be read aloud but the understanding between them is evident how will it end?
he is a gambler I told her today I did not think that right and I was ssorry for it
she sends A [Ann] a little pocketbook yet she will try to lead me astray from her! But she
shall do no worse and I hope and trust the scene of tonight cannot recur is this the
chaste and quiet π [Mariana]? I will keep out of her way and Mr Crewes too as well as I can ~ very fine soft
day — from 11 to 2 25/.. wrote all the above of today — Lay down in my clothes


249
1834
December Friday 26
9 10/..
1 25/..
had slept in my clothes π [Mariana] came before eight and leaned or lay on the bed till I got up
I dont think she found out that I was not undress my night chemise hid all that she seemed in
good spirits said she had a very good night and hoped I had one too I said not much on this
part of the subject she saw that I did not think of last nights business quite as she did I said
let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall she seemed rejoiced at the
sort of victory she thought she had gained and argued against my fancying there
was any wrong in it said it had done her good and she was now much happier begged me
not to abuse her in my heart I said as little as possible not troubling myself to
knock down her arguments but saying the only thing I had thought of as a consola
tion was the telling her I should shew all my letters to A [Ann] ~ she made no objection
in fact she could not well make any she was ssatisfied to have found as she thought
that all her influence over me was not gone she little dreampt the real state
of the case she had fallen in my opinion she had been too much in the style of Mrs Milne
and I mean to be as little in her way as possible in time to come she said she still could
believe herself belonging to anyone but me the night before last she had left
me in an agony quite wet through and ill last night she was calmer and could have done
without it if I had not been different I said nothing against all this but let it
pass she said I did non know what it is was to be obliged to restraint where formerly
she had only to ask and have I merely said I saw how she was on Wednesday night
and was on my guard last night I was off my guard and etc. etc. ~ Very fine, softish
morning — just ready to go downstairs at 9 1/2 when had Martha Booth up into my dressing
room to speak to her — not satisfied about her manner — M- [Mariana] came — then sent for Watson — a regular
scene — the girl would excuse herself — then said she was not well — the place too hard for her —
I thought she had better leave it — Watson advised her not — said she (the girl) must not shew her face
at Shibden etc. etc. — went down to breakfast at 11 — Mr. Lawton had waited to wish me goodbye
never so attentive before — M- [Mariana] could get Martha what she wanted (a little cook’s
place) at the Reverend Mr. Wood’s of Middlewich — had Martha in again — she then promised better
things — agreed for her to stay where she was — All this detained me terribly — off
from Lawton at 11 50/.. — M- [Mariana] went with me to Middlewich (the phaeton to meet
her for her return) to see the worm quack (Mrs. Lamb) — At Middlewich (10 miles) at 1
1 20/.. her talking to Mrs. Lamb, as arrant a quack as any of her fraternity — looked
at all her phials full of worms — tape and all sorts, and catechised her pretty severely
her secret is in the solvent mixture (a vegetable alkali) the carminative is merely
composed of cordials — the powders are merely jalap, and the pills purgatives pro re natâ —
asked if she thought I had worms — no! not a likely subject — mentioned the one I parted with at Hastings —

[margin text:] vide line 2
et seq. page 251
DateDec 1834
Extent1 page
LevelPiece
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