Catalogue Finding NumberSH:7/ML/E/17/0129
Office record is held atCalderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service
TitleDiary page
Description[Diary Transcription]

to see her go off to bed with me I kindly parried all this she said if she had not seen me now
perhaps we might not have met again owned it was much better to have met
I told her and explained quietly that it was all her own doing that no human
influence could have done it but her own spoke highly of A’s [Ann] high prin
ciple and honourable feeling and that even in any case if it cost me life itself
I would not willingly give her uneasiness she trusted me and she was right
if I could do so much in this case what could I not have done in another but she
π [Mariana] had never understood me I was never half as bad as she thought me ~ home at
4 3/4 and sat talking in my dressing room till 5 1/2 — on the Reverend Mr. Wood’s bigotry — why
one should thank heaven for one’s creation as well as preservation etc. Mr Crewe never can do this (that he plays
but at her request not on a Sunday she told me this morning) I became ani
mated and π [Mariana] flattered me by tracing all superiority of mind that she ever felt to
me and she had told Mr Crewe so ~ she had often thought she had known me too soon or
too late had she been another year with me her mind would have been above mind
ing all she heard against me but before my first visit there her father
had said I should not enter the house till she cried and made herself ill a sepa
rate bed was then made up for me but Eliza listened to hear if I went to her
π [Mariana] felt that I should have made her happier than anyone else could ~ Told M- [Mariana]
servants would always be left in the house at Shibden — if ever she wanted a place to go to,
the house would always be at her service — but said gently I would rather she was there alone supposing
I was absent — she said she should take Louisa or Ann — said I had never liked her family and was sorry for it, but somehow I never
Could get over my feeling of dislike — I certainly owed them nothing — And she said she certainly
owed them nothing ~ dressed — dinner at 6 20/.. having waited for a Mr. Manwairing — Mr.
Ford, the Rector of Lawton, dined here — made himself pleasant enough today, but a thorn
in their sides, in general — On our leaving the dining room M- [Mariana] and I soon came to my dressing room
She being so low she could not stand it drank cold water sobbed and was almost
in hysterics then asked if I loved her yes ssaid I you know I do we then
kissed our lips sseeming glewed together and somehow tongues meeting she sobbed
and said it is hard very to be a friend for one who has been a wife I was
attenrie we both cried our eyes nearly when we were obliged to go down to tea
after nine ~ she came for a few minutes on going but was quite upset I had
to go for Watson to call Eugenie and saw π [Mariana] almost undressed I just kiss the back
of her neck and came away for she seemed worse seeing me again it occurs to me

that I inadvertently kissed her rather too warmly just after dinner was it this that
upset her for the night? It is very sad I am very sorry but my own indifference
makes me safer than she thinks I advised her this morning not to meet Mr Crewe at
Geneva better go with A [Ann] and me than anyone I had thought of taking Mr Brown for A’s [Ann]
drawing if so π [Mariana] might return with him but what I could do very uncertain
fine, soft, mild day — a little light rain about noon — till 12 50/.. wrote all the above of
today —

Thursday 25
2 50/..
+ |
π [Mariana] came a little before eight and staid till nine in bed with me rather in the pathetics
she cannot get over love for me but I behaved with perfect propriety she said
well if anything happened to A [Ann] and Mr Crewe would I take her back again I made no answer till
she said would I not when I replied ‘I would not shut the door against you’ on which she
thanked me and said I was very good ~ fine soft morning — breakfast at 10 — at church at 11 — Mr.
Ford did all the duty — preached 35 minutes from Luke ii or vii? 27, 28, 29, 30. on saviour being
taken to be circumcised — then received the sacrament almost all the congregation staid which made
the service take up 50 minutes till 2 — luncheon — M- [Mariana] and I out at 3 — to the Red Bull to see the children of
her school 50 boys and girls who had dined there and to whom she went to wish a Merry Xmas [Christmas] and a happy
new year — Letter from A- [Ann] (Shibden) — my aunt better — 3 ppages widely written — nice letter — properly affectionate —
wants me back again — went to the Lawton arms to order horses for at 9 a.m. tomorrow —
walked forwards a little then up and down — Called to see old Molly Owen took a turn with Charles in the grounds and walked to the other Lodge — came in at 4 3/4 —
sat talking in my dressing room — dressed — Messrs Powis (Reverend) and Hinchcliff (Captain 33rd regiment)
dined with us at 6 1/4 — the latter a firebrand of a Whig, or rather radical — warmish politics
Till 8 when M- [Mariana] and I came away — sat in my dressing room till 9, then tea, and staid down till
11 talking Theology — the Captain an over match for the parson — our priests lay claim
to the power of giving absolution (vide service for the sick) — and we come up to the doctrine
of transubstantiation in our church catechism — (vide the outward and visible sign of baptism
et seq.) — then the Captain held forth on the origin of the Xtians [Christians] making the sign of the cross (as
the Roman Catholics do — I said it was also an old pagan custom — we did not condemn it except when
done by idolatrously and left it out of our ceremonies because now unnecessary — (I had in
my mind Knight on the phallus worship) — the Captain had picked up his arguments from Lingard’s
history of England — he had read and compared him with Hume and Hallam’s constitutional history of England —
I would gladly have taken no part, but M- [Mariana] made sign to me to join — Mr. Powis maintained
that Voltaire took the sacrament before his death — I agreed with the Captain that this was not clearly
proved — M- [Mariana] and I sat talking in my dressing room till I having had Eugenie when we 1st. came
up and M- [Mariana] having sent Watson to bed not liking to keep them up after their Xmas festivities
in the housekeeper’s room — we had gone in for a minute or 2 to wish them a Merry Xmas [Christmas]
and happy new year — the gentlemen had mentioned Willoughby Crewe this evening — Hinchcliff said he was an odd sort of parson —
DateDec 1834
Extent1 page


ReprodnNoteThis transcript has been created to allow keyword searching within our online catalogue. A full transcription (marked-up to show extended abbreviations and highlighting all coded extracts) can be found as a pdf version at the volume level entry SH:7/ML/E/17. Every attempt has been made to ensure the accuracy of this transcription, however, researchers are advised to check against the original diary images before quoting from the transcriptions. We are also happy to receive any corrections to improve the accuracy of the transcriptions if they are found. Further editing will also take place once the project nears completion. For further information about the transcription project see the Anne Lister Diary catalogue entry at SH:7/ML/E.
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