UserWrapped4Please be aware that this diary entry contains sexually explicit language.
Catalogue Finding NumberSH:7/ML/E/10/0066
Office record is held atCalderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service
TitleDiary page
Description[Diary Transcription]

direct to Mrs. Barlow to ask her to walk — Jane had hurt her foot — Mrs. Barlow not quite well — Went to her room
out of spirits and ill because I had said I was not married she would have it would make me say she
was my wife a regular scene she said I used to call her my wife had called her so in my letters I tho
ught she must be mistaken she turned to my letters could not find the word I had written ‘my li
fe and love and something dearer still’ she said this last meant wife I denied this ssaid she had al
ways known my circumstances she said another mans wife could not be mine well then I said I cou
ld have none and this she knew I had always ssaid I was engaged if I had called her my wife and would
be hers if I could she knew I could not people said many things when they felt warmly if she wished
me to call her wife merely as a term of endearment it was another thing but it could mean anything
so as to give her any right over me said π [Mariana] had perhaps fretted about me as much as
she Mrs Barlow had done and perhaps loved me as much she was not to blame for marrying it was with my
consent and for my interest as well as hers I was attached to her if not I would not have
renewed the engagement Mrs Barlow was then half distracted and cried bitterly she would have me
say I loved her best I said my love for her and π [Mariana] were so different they could not be com
pared she would have me say she was the wife of my heart I persisted that I had no wife
said that I had never deceived her she did not think she ought to marry she was mine if she left me
it would make her connection with me not virtuous she loved me from principle did n
ot deserve to be a mistress bade her not mention such a word yet she was not my wife if
π [Mariana] died tomorrow I should be at liberty to give myself to anyone she said no not in honour
that said I is another thing but I should be at liberty in fact at last I got rather impati
ent said I hated all ties I knew enough of them nothing should induce me to tie myself a
gain nothing should have got me to marry if once at liberty if π [Mariana] was out of the way I would
never more be tied to Mrs. Barlowor anyone the moment I heard of ties I longed to be of love free
as air at sight of human ties sspreads his light wings etc. said Eloisa said not
Cesars empress would I deign to prove etc. yet she Mrs Barlow with all her love could not say as
much she said I talked a little en libertin I said it mattered not she said she was not a
person to make any claim on me she never would I said she never could I had wanted much
to walk but could not leave her and thought myself a noodle for having gone to her she said
that before she yielded to me she had gone on her knees to me to beg me to save her I said
I was a bad person to apply to but would take better care of her now I repeated this
frequently afterwards and asked if I should take better care her she said she did not say th
is it was too late no said I never too late to do well she said she was ill I thought what
would do her most good she asked for some comfort before I went I sat by her while she
was in bed up with the right middle finger and gave her a good grubbling she teazed me to s
ay we were married in heart but I would persisted I was not married to her but said
she knew I loved her hoped she would behave less foolishly in future and left her in
bed and came away after six and ~ got home at 6 1/4 — Dinner at 6 20/60 — Came to my room at 8 20/60
wrote the whole of this page which took me till 9 — Windy in the afternoon with one or 2 slight showers during
the afternoon — From 9 to 9 40/60 writing out the washing bills, and getting my clothes ready for the wash — Then went into
the drawing room to my aunt — sat talking to her till 10 20/60 then came to my room — o.. The same as all the last week ~
cut my toenails ~

March Monday 5
5 40/60
11 20/60
My bowels all wrong — from not walking yesterday? What foolish work I shall mind how I go to Mrs Barlow again unne
cessarily ~ At my desk at 6 40/60 — from then to 11 (except perhaps 1/4 hour settling with the washerwoman about 8)
at my accounts — making out the rough draft of my receipts of 1824 from my uncle and aunt from the bank (on account of
money lodged there), what M- [Mariana] owed me and what I borrowed of her to take on setting off to France (24 August 1824) — Having the memoranda
of my receipts of 1825 on loose scraps of paper. I expect much trouble to satisfy myself about the arrangement
of that year — the man recommended by ‘Madame Giguet de Roquette rue du Marché St. Honoré no. [number] 2’ (he brought her card)
came about 10, bringing bottles for the wine to be bottled in on Wednesday — Wrote the above of today — Breakfast at 11 5/60 — which
and reading the paper took me till 12 1/2 — from then till 3, at my accounts, calculating 1 thing or other in order to balance
my receipts and expenses of the last 3 years — Then finished dressing, and went out at 3 50/60 — took George and went to Laffittés
rue d’Artois no. [number] 15 — 20 minutes there — Exchange 25/30 commission and brokerage just 0/30 per franc — Thence to my shoemaker
rue des Capucines, no. [number] 7 — George took one of the shoes the man made me to shew him a flaw in the leather — remeasured —
bought a pair of shoes in the shop, and ordered another pair both to come home on Friday — The man called the gentlemans pumps I bought escarpins —
Thence through the place Vendôme and gardens to Madame Galvani’s — not at home — came away — met her at the end of her street returned
and staid about an hour with her — A tall, thin, gentleman came just before I left her to whom she introduced me, but I did not catch
his name — Got home at 6 1/2 — dinner immediately — came to my room at 8 1/2 — wrote the last 6 lines — found on my return
a little note from Mrs. Barlow to say (what Madame Galvani had told me) that she (Madame Galvani) had bought me old bottles at 18/.
a hundred — would do just as well as new at 24/. a hundred — Very fine day — Settled my accounts and counted
over my money — and went into the drawing room at 9 25/60 — Looking over Galignani’s Swiss Guide till 10 20/60 then came
to my room — Had a motion just before getting into bed nearly all little lumps but not painful ~

[margin text:] Fahrenheit 37o at 6 1/2 a.m. very fine.
44o at noon
44o at 10 20/60 p.m

Tuesday 6
5 55/60
11 20/60
Could do nothing this morning — At my desk at 7 — from then till 8 1/2 looking over Ebel’s (mine) Swiss Guidge [Guide]
and comparing some of his descriptions with Galignani’s — Meant to have set to at my accounts directly but
somehow took up Ebel for a moment — Rainy, windy morning — At my accounts at 8 1/2 — from then to 2 20/60
at my accounts except for 1/2 hour at breakfast (from 11 to 11 1/2) and a few minutes speaking to the man who came to be paid for the bottles (said he
would change the 24 that were so very dirty) told him to come again on Wednesday at 2 1/2 when Madame Galvani would be here,
for he said she had made no agreement (as she told me she had), for the bottles to be washed — soon after came the
man to bottle the wine — set him to wash the bottles — 600 of them would be no joke for George — Still today
making out my receipts of the last 3 years — I must look at my banking account (letter from Messeurs Rawson in January)
to finish the account of last year — I have made out a rough draft debit and credit account of 1824, 25, and 26 —
and seem to have had a balance in my favour of 22.8.11 1/4 at the end of 1825 not counting my bad debt
£5 owing by Anne Belcombe since Thursday 19 April 1821 — I care not — never cared much for the money; though at the time of
lending it (I could not be off) the money was an object to me — It is the manner in which she has behaved about
it that I think of — She never acknowledged at all the receipt of my letter containing the bank of England note for 2 or 3 months
and then made no acknowledgement which could have been a receipt — She once slightly alluded to the debt
when I saw her first afterwards — and never more noticed the thing from that time to this! wrote the above of today, and
had just done at 2 1/2 — then finished dressing — Called off to explain to the menuisier about making a small
2 leaved clothes-horse for McDonald — Madame Sané there — though not dressed (had only just taken my hair out of papers)
staid talking to her afterwards — 1/4 hour — then came and finished and went out at 4 — direct to Mrs. Barlow found her in bed — had been there
since I saw her last, and had taken nothing to eat — merely tea and soup — Had been very feverish — All obliged to me for going
said what good I had done her I made her well again she had been thinking of my saying I would not have marri
ed her under any circumstances ssaid she had pothered me into saying so well if I did not think so she was ssati
sfied she had been reading my letters I had offered her my heart and she had taken it we were married in heart

[margin text:] Fahrenheit 44o at 7 a.m.
51º at noon
47º at 10 20/60 p.m.
highish wind

till afternoon
then fair afterwards
but for a shower
or two -
DateMar 1827
Extent1 page


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