UserWrapped4Please be aware that this diary entry contains sexually explicit language.
Catalogue Finding NumberSH:7/ML/E/10/0037
Office record is held atCalderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service
TitleDiary page
Description[Diary Transcription]

68
1826
December
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after coming out of Mellerio’s, inquired — a premier the size of our apartment 800/. a month! —
went out again at 1 50/60 into the gardens just to take a turn while Madame Galvani came — on turning off the Terrasse
d’eau espied Mrs. Barlow and Jane — joined them — Foolishly took a little turn with them went to their new por
ters and they left me at my own door Mrs Barlow said I had Madame Galvani twice a week and went to see her Mrs Barlow once in
ten days we argued it she wished she could be indifferent could feel like me etc. etc. has been ill this
last week her liver — thought I to myself she would distract me with her jealousies she would
have it she was not jealous she only loved me too well she had seen me on Monday yes but she was not sat
isfied with that thought I I will join you no more I will always sslink off I shall learn how to manage
better by and by she does not go the way to get my society I see I shall be tired to death of her before
I have done — Got home at 2 3/4 — found Madame Galvani ‘ennuyée a crevet’ — promised not to be out
when she came this day week, and very sorry at heart I had been goose enough to miss her so long today —
She staid till 3 20/60 — I will manage better another time — In returning from rue Sainte Anne I had asked the price
of a copper kettle in the rue Dauphine — moderate size 18/. — too dear said Madame Galvani from 12 to 14/.
ask the weight (the copper should be 2/50 a lb.) and then you can judge what to give for the façon — got one
‘avec un four’ at the bottom that is, a continuation of the kettle-side below the bottom for it to rest on —
wrote the last 30 1/2 lines, and had just done them at 4 3/4 — Then washed and changed my linen — at 5 1/4
sat down to write a little to M- [Mariana] wrote about 1/4 page 2 very small and close — Dinner at 6 10/60 — Came into the drawing room at
7 40/60 — from 8 1/2 to 10 25/60 wrote the latter 3/4 page 2 and 5 1/2 lines of page 3 — went to my room at 10 1/2 — very fine day —

Thursday 28
6 3/4
1 3/4
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my bowels quite right this morning — I do believe it was the tightness of my stays that disordered them — In my salon at 7 55/60 —
from 8 10/60 to 10 20/60 writing to M- [Mariana] breakfast at 10 20/60 then read the whole of the paper of today and yesterday which took me till 12 — then
finished dressing — at my desk again at 12 1/2 — 1/2 hour hour reading over all I have written to M- [Mariana] the whole 2 3/4 ppages very small and
close — from 1 to 3 10/60 finished page 3, and wrote the ends of my paper very small and close to M- [Mariana] Then washed etc. went to
speak to my aunt, and set off (to dine with Mrs. Barlow) at 4 — I had before sent George with the remainder of the bonbons of Monday
for Jane, and an iced plum cake (of 7/.) for Mrs. Barlow on her birthday — she wondered why I had sent it — not obliged
to me at all — I had sent a cake to Madame Galvani could not bear to be treated like other people — cared for nothing to
eat — explained that it was customary enough to give a plum cake on a birthday — certainly had never dreampt that because I had sent
a cake to Madame Galvani I therefore ought or ought not to send one to Mrs. Barlow would do so no more — nor ever give her any
thing eatable — Dinner at 5 1/2 or perhaps 5 3/4 — peas soup — vol-au-vent, filet de bœuf piqué, gateau de riz,
and a crême glacé (ice) the four last from a traiteur and respectively 5/. 6/. 4/. and 5 or 6/. — for dessert a plate of raisins and blanched
almonds, St. Germain pears at 4 sols each, little almondy drop cakes (stale) and rice and savoy biscuits — Beaune rouge at 4/.
and claret from Madame Droz’s friend, Monsieur Lambert, at 3/. good of its kind — Madame Alexandre her late porter’s
wife (her husband a joiner — ordered a pasteboard and rolling pin) retained to wait — what nonsense! and so I told
Mrs. Barlow who said she thought I liked a good dinner, and was determined to see what she could do — It was meant to
return the dinner she had with us I saw through this the feeling was not thoroughly ladylike it had too much of
the not bearing to be out [illegible] done and after all it was hugger poor madame cidevant porteress being
shockingly gauche Potter came in at first and set the dishes on wrong Mrs Barlow huffed her and she appeared no
more I cannot think Mrs Barlow good tempered thought I all this would never suit me Jane had scarce swallowed
her soup before she was called off to go to the play with the family below Monsieur and Madame and Mademoiselle Pouciègle —
I took a little Beaune and water (very dear at 4/. like ours as well at 2/.) and four glasses of the thin claret, and
we went to the drawing room at 6 3/4 — I had really had too much dinner and felt oppressed by it — But she sat on my knee
and I had soon the right middle finger up as usual and she said she came down better to me and felt more than she
had yet done since my return though she had been poorly all the week and thought she could do nothing for me she said
she felt more when sitting on my knee when my thigh was next to her the feel of it went through her — we had

[margin text:] very fine frostyish
morning —
Fahrenheit 37° at 8 a.m.
41 1/2° —— 12 p.m.
—— —— 3 1/2 ——
37 1/2° at 12 midnight


69
1826
December
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tea about 8 — Then at her again then rested and at her again having latterly both second and first finger
up being too full of dinner it was really an exertion to me and in fact the pleasure to me is not much merely
the excitement of exciting her and having a woman to grubble who likes it so well I almost feel as much
now at the moment of writing as when with her towards eleven she began to be pathetic and cry a little
we must part she felt as a wife but what was she etc. etc. wanted her letters not safe with me surr
ounded as I was with friends alluded to π [Mariana] if I died my aunt would give her all my papers to read
said I would pledge my existence that whatever might be π’s [Mariana] curiosity I could leave one of
Mrs Barlows letters open before her a whole day and she would not read a line of it Mrs Barlow said she was a woman
and she would not believe said I come come give the devil his due she said I loved π [Mariana] might praise her as
I liked but why should she Mrs Barlow say what she did not think said I would give her her letters by and by she must give me
mine no mine were quite safe her aunt was too blind could not read them nor would she if she could I thought
they ought on both sides to be burnt nor Mrs Barlow said mine could do no harm people might read and not und
erstand them I protested they were such as [illegible] a husband would write but for myself individually
I cared not the world would not blame me so much as Mrs Barlow they would commit her much more than me I could not
have written such without encouragement she said her aunt would forgive her if she knew what had
passed but she would be angry at her going on with it when I was engaged to another but I had said
we could not go on as we did and she had rather I sinned with her than with another ‘but if I have not your
‘letters I have nothing three years hence you may say you never loved me you have your journal
‘I could gain nothing by shewing your letters or boasting of your [illegible] r love for me’ I merely answ
ered no certainly not and declared it was impossible I could ever deny my regard for her but these
words of hers ssand deep in my heart I mused on them all the way home and determined I never would gi
ve her her letters without getting back my own — Jane returned at 11 40/60 — the poor girl had a wretched cold when
she went, and it seemed worse — took their fiacre (George had been waiting upstairs with Potter I know not how long
perhaps an hour), and got home in 1/4 hour at 12 — Mrs Barlow forty today — Dawdling and musing — very fine day —

Friday 29
8
11 55/60
L
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came to my room at 9 5/60 — finished dressing — breakfast at 10 1/4 — read the paper — wrote under the seal of my letter
to M- [Mariana] a thermometrical account of the weather with short observations from Friday 15th instant up to this morning at 11 a.m. —
and sent off my letter, 3 ppages the ends and under the seal all very small and close, to M- [Mariana] ‘Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire,
Angleterre’ at 11 35/60 — very affectionate letter — the world might read it, but there are a few sentences though not too
kind yet rather too explanatory — she will surely be satisfied on the subject of Miss MacLean say that it
is clear the comparisons I have made most have been in M-’s [Mariana] favour, or I should not have decided as I have done — own my high
admiration of Miss MacLean but ask am I certain that nearer intercourse could never lower her in my opinion? no!
She herself often says and laments that my estimate is too high — Perhaps it may — perhaps it must be so — But
I wish not to be undeceived — our relative situations do not require it — with M- [Mariana] how different! we must
know each other as we are, that there may be no unreasonable expectations on either side which it would be
impossible to fulfil — satisfied with what M- [Mariana] said at Manchester on leaving Buxton — she has ever since followed up
this train of sentiment in word and deed, and it is enough — her mind takes a tour when with me of which
perhaps she is not fully aware, and with which I am fully satisfied — She may mend the spell of romance, and make
it as good as new again — she has nothing to fear, except in imagination from Miss MacLean or Mrs. Barlow she
needs not the assistance of the former, or of any one to make me happy — she is all I wish her to be except in
health — advise her to try the effect of wearing her stays looser — more than usual tightness may occasion the
burning pain succeeded by sickness of which she complains thought of her on xmas [Christmas] day — her letter had given me new life —
DateDec 1826
Extent1 page
LevelPiece
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