| Description | [Diary Transcription]
48
1826
December Thursday 7
7 35/60
11 35/60
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Took 2 teaspoons of magnesium in the juice of 1/2 a lemon (with a little water in it) last night on coming to my
salon to undress — Had a little motion without pain after twenty minutes on the pot just before getting into bed and
this morning on getting up had a good and easy motion in five minutes this must have been
owing to the magnesia and lemon juice — In my salon at 8 5/60 — finished dressing — at my desk
at 8 1/2 from then to 10 3/4 at my summaries — did all over again the general summary (not private) of August last
wishing to make some little alterations in the arrangement and not being able to manage it without doing the
whole over again — wrote the above — breakfast at 11 — which took me 1/2 hour — then read Galignani till 12 5/60 — then
5 minutes settling the accounts of today — then till 12 50/60 looking the summary I did yesterday of the end of August after landing in
France — went out at 1 1/2 to our pot shop rue de la Corderie No. [number] 14 Place du Marché Saint Honoré — bought 2 dozen
plates (terre de pipe) 5/. and divers other pots — thence chez Bertrand No. [number] 33 rue x. [Croix] des Petits Champs for brown sugar
candles and soap — thence to the Palais Royal Legros asks 60 francs a dozen for the best knives, and 25 a pair additional for the carving
knife and fork — at Palmer’s original depot No. [number] 35, 65/. a dozen for the same at a shop on the other side the Palais
50/. for the same and 20/. for carving knife and fork — at the 2 first shops the blades warranted English, but they all
looked 1 as good as another — peeped in at the window of Gaudais no. [number] 118 for plated goods — asked the price
of a plated or composition metal tea pot (not far from Gaudais) 42/. — Gaudais and Palmer are perpetually
advertising in Galignani — went this morning on purpose to see what sort of shops they were — sauntered
all round the palace — thence down the rue Saint Thomas du Louvre, through the Place du Carrousel to the rue de Rivoli
thence took the 1st turn into the gardens walked all round the terrasse d’eau, and came out opposite the rue de Luxembourg
and under the arcades, and got home at 4 1/4 — (on going out this morning the porter’s wife shewed me their 2 lodging rooms — between
3 and 4 feet high! — when the bed is made it is 1/2 as high, or more, than the room — yet she says they are très
bien logé [very well lodged] — I had just got my things off and was going to settle my accounts when Mrs. Barlow came to me (Jane went to
my aunt) at 4 25/60 and staid with me till 5 3/4 — then sat a little with my aunt and took a fiacre and went home at 6 — she had been to look
at the apartment I liked so much no. [number] 4 rue d’Anjou — She likes it but thinks it rather too near the roof —
though a premier, there is only a grenier over it — But came to consult me about writing to Colonel Carter —
Say the best thing would be for her sister to go to husband Mrs Barlow would appeal to his feelings as a father tell her
this will do no good if she writes at all she had best gentle if his wife did not go with him it was
to be expected that he like others would of course have a mistress what else could he do
Mrs Barlow could not bear this got to talking of ourselves she loves me too much has felt more for
me than she ever did in her life etc. etc. Dinner at 6 20/60 — wrote the last 21 lines and then the porter’s wife
came at 8 25/60 and staid till 10 — great deal of rain fell during last night — damp, and mild today — but no rain till
evening and then wet and gentle rain — went to my room at 10 20/60 the porter’s wife says the price of a silver couvert, i.e.
a silver fork and tablespoon, très fort, about not quite 50/. silver sold by the marc of 8 oz. 24/. le marc?
[margin text:] Fahrenheit 51 1/2° at 8 a.m.
55 1/2° — noon
55° — 4 1/4 p.m.
very soft mild damp, out of doors
morning — rather wet in the evening
but fair when I went to bed —
the last time of having
the porter’s wife in
an evening — the 1st October 25
Friday 8
7 35/60
11 1/2
Vc
In my salon at 8 1/4 — My bowels pretty well this morning but not quite moved as they should be
rearranged my fire — dusted my room — the porter ought to do it — but somehow it never gets done as it
ought to be — finished dressing — all which took me till 9 3/4 — then settled my accounts and sat down to breakfast at
10 25/60 — our butler woman came with fruit — would make me buy a panier of reynettes de Canada — asked
2/50 — I would not have them — at last gave her 2/. and desired her never to bring fruit any more — for I did not like
her apples — not good — several little bad ones — would never buy fruit of hers again — was just returning to my breakfast at 10 55/60
when Mrs. Barlow came — had not slept all last night thinking of what I had said That providence always or
dered best for us and that I was glad I had not had a free choice explained that I did not quite express myself
thus but spoke generally without alluding to anything in particular told her I was annoyed at her so
[margin text:] Fahrenheit 51° at 8 1/4 a.m.
55° — 1 1/2 p.m.
53° — 8 —
51 1/2° — 10 1/4 —
49
1826
December
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always perverting my words she cried a good deal could not help loving me too much at last we stood up
and pressed each other she saying she did it for my sake we sat down I begged to feel her she said I should think ill
off her I declared not she let me feel her over her clothes ssaying I should make her as bad as myself we were
both excited it was after twleve I proposed her going into my bedroom while I rang for George
to take the things away she went but my aunt was at the water closet and she could not pass in coming
back my aunt saw and she was obliged to go to her [illegible] so our amatory sshemes have been disappointed
for this time I see I shall have her by and by Mrs. Barlow went to my aunt at 12 10/60 — I then wrote the last 13 lines which
took me till 12 35/60 — [illegible] Mrs Barlow came back to me
in five minutes from this time she sat by me on the sofa then on my knee she let me put my hand to her and I soon p
ut up the middle finger of my right hand as formerly she leaning back on the sofa back opening her legs and
giving me fair play on pressing much against the orifice of the womb she said I hurt her the ice was now
broken she said she had only twice before felt excited that is the last time just before I left her at her own
house and once before — she asked for a little wine looking rather fagged I gave her my bottle that π [Mariana] and I had
at Boulogne she asked if anyone but myself drank out of it I evaded by saying the bottle was entirely my
own she tasted but thought the little white beaune that remained in it sour I then gave her two teasp
oonfuls of lavender drops in a little water which she drank very composedly — on withdrawing my finger
from her found it all bloody it was too soon for her to be unwell asked if I had hurt her but she declared
not — went out with Mrs. Barlow at 1 40/60 — she had something to pay at Michel’s — Staid a while to eat something — I had a
hot (cold) stale, paté, and a stale tartelel — both bad — then went to the rue Neuve de Luxembourg, and took a fiacre, and went
to Mrs. Barlow’s banker, Mallet, rue de la Chaussée d’Antin No. [number] 13, thence to Perrier le jeune rue Neuve des petits
Champs No. [number] 44, an excellent shop for merinos, silks, linens, etc. etc. some time there — Mrs. Barlow bought black Levantine
and marceline for a pelisse (cloak) for Jane, etc. and I bought a cotton table cloth, and some cloth for glasscloths and dishcloths
thence to Quai Voltaire got there at 3 40/60 having had our fiacre 1 3/4 hour — I had my hand up her petticoats going to
Mallet’s and afterwards my finger up it was bloody she wiped it with her pocket handkerchief and I let her
alone till we got home she then complained of being tired and lay down we had the door fast and I put my
finger up again again bloody and I washed my hands but afterward kept my hand to her all the while feeling
her though not with my finger up she said pressing (the neck of the womb) hurt her much she felt it all up into
her left side she could not bear to come down to me as she used to do she should do better another time she
had suffered there where I had pressed after I left her to return to England her aunt had made
her go to Dupuytren but he was then gone to the coronation thought I to myself is it possible that I had
hurt her there the ice is broken she will have no more misgivings I told her how much better I loved
her after it than before hoped she would be more comfortable perhaps she might in body but not in
mind I said she would drive me to distraction if she made herself so unhappy we were no worse than
before she said I was not at all to blame it was all her fault now she ought to be able to take care
of herself said she was mine once again she had now given the power out of her own hands and I should
have my own way in future said I should be constant yes when you want anyone now you will come to
me said I would not go merely for an animal want it should be from affection she asked me for her
letters she to keep mine they were all she had left she had no journal besides mine were much less warm than
hers I had been accustomed to write in this way she had not and I should never write to her so again I said
the best thing would be for us both to burn our letters no she did not like to burn mine they should be qui
te safe I said I equally longed to keep hers ah said she you [illegible] do not like to trust me I denied thi
s but would do as she liked yet could not bring her her letters just now did I want to copy any parts of them no no
said I I have not time besides I have all I wish in my journal I kissed her bade her not be unhappy promised to
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