Catalogue Finding NumberSH:7/ML/E/10/0102
Office record is held atCalderdale, West Yorkshire Archive Service
TitleDiary page
Description[Diary Transcription]

197
1827
June Thursday 7
6 3/4
12 10/60
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L
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Bowels rather loose sufficient motion. I have had 3 anchovies each morning at breakfast these last 3 mornings —
I fancy they have well affected my bowels? — did my hair — cleaning my travelling inkstand — looking a little at Galignani — breakfast from
9 35/60 to 10 1/4 — Mademoiselle Aspasie Autheaume came at 9 1/4 (instead of 8) made the little alteration in my gown
I paid her the bill, and she went away at 9 35/60 — then wrote the above 4 lines, etc. — Mrs. Barlow came at 9 3/4 and brought up the
newspaper (wet) and M-’s [Mariana] letter — staid talking about 1 thing or other, passports etc. finished dressing — went out (just
saw my aunt for a minute or 2) with Mrs. Barlow at 11 — took my travelling cap to be made a little larger — went to the coach
office — paid 60/. more 45/. for Mrs. and Miss Barlow parted with the latter at the pont royal, and got to the lecture (9th at 12 5/60) —
lecture began at 12 1/4 — over at 1 55/60 — an old gentleman there (sat next me) I had not seen there before — delighted to shew his knowledge
by speaking aloud what Monsieur Tremery was going to explain — pulled out a little book shewing the different densities of our
earth and the other planets — asked to look at it — the ‘annuaire’ for this year, published by the bureau de astronaim des Longitudes —
to be had price 1/. chez Bachelier — told Monsieur Tremery I was going to Switzerland next week — he gives a course of lectures in the winter at noon, 3 days a week — asked where to get a little travelling thermometer — his man
to go with me to the rue Dauphine to get it on Saturday — went direct for the almanac — thence crossed the
river straight along the rue St. Denis to the passage du Caire for my umbrella — Mrs. Barlow had just sent for it —
thence to Laffitte’s about a letter of credit waited some time reading my almanac — then saw Mr. Phillips — they issue no circular notes on the same plan
as Hammersley’s — said my letters would be quite safe poste restante wherever I was going — To call again on
Monday or Tuesday for the letter of credit for £100 to be drawn on Messrs. Hammersleys — thence down the rue
de Richelieu to the petit Dunqurque Dunkerque for a fer de Berlin buckle — out of request — not
a decent one to be had — by the rue neuve des Augustins and de la paix, and place Vendome and rue St. Honoré to Mrs. Barlow’s —
out — Got home at 4 20/60 — Mrs. and Miss Barlow with my aunt — the former came to me to shew me her letter of credit
from Mallet for 5000/. on different places, — and her new passport, her own Guernsey one being too small! —
sat with me till dinner at 5 10/60 — Left the dining room at 7 10/60 — settled with George and my accounts — went out at
7 1/2 — to the sadler, and a man came back with me, and left 1 havresack here for myself, and went with me and left
another for Mrs. Barlow all sat 3 (Mrs. and Miss Barlow and I) sat talking about the journey — never shall forget Jane’s
difficulties about her new gingham gown — could not wear ‘chiffons’ etc. etc. Thought I I shall be tired before it
is all over poor π [Mariana] oh that we were together — got home at 9 40/60 — talked to my aunt 5 minutes — came to my room
at 9 3/4 — Letter from M- [Mariana] about 10 this morning — read it before going out — have thought of little else since — Glad I ha
ve given up going she did indeed star that I had ever thought of being away three months to ha
ve me so long domesticated with Mrs and Miss Barlow would have well nigh killed her thinks my aunt must
be gradually declining her release would be a happy one and we shall soon be together alas poor
P my aunt may live these dozen years and I am going to Switzerland ~ I begin to think I sha
ll be heartily tired of Mrs and Miss Barlow before I get back again — wrote all but the 1st 4 lines which took me till
10 35/60 — my umbrella so ill done, I must have it recovered? wrote a little note for George to take in the morning to the porter at No. [Number] 15 Quai Voltaire
to ask him to give George the Charbonnier’s address, or desire him to bring us a sack of charcoal on Saturday morning —

[margin text:] Fahrenheit 52 1/2° at 7 3/4 a.m.
58° at 11 ——
51 3/4° at 11 40/60 p.m.
dullish morning
fine day —

Lucy Sykes very well married to 1 of lord Favershams’ sons. —

Friday 8
6 10/60
11 1/2
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§§
Bowels pretty well — 25 minutes mending my socks, etc. — from 7 40/60 to 7 50/60 read over what I wrote on Monday — from which (vide line
8 from the bottom of page 1) I copied the following — ‘I have mused again and again over all your arguments respecting Mrs. Barlow she thoroughly
‘knows my circumstances — Does it not rest with her to determine for her own sake (certainly not at all for mine)
‘whether I am an advisable companion for her, or not? I have nothing to fear — we shall go on as we did
‘at Ermenonville, certainly very well — In 1 or 2 instances, I often feel as if I had unintentionally done her injustice —
‘You remember the passages I read you from my journal — I cannot make up my mind that those passages were fair — the
‘facts were as stated; — but I begin to doubt the inferences — It is not clear to me, that she thought as I then
‘concluded, she must think — I do not believe it is in her power to be deep enough for all that — It is my present opinion
‘that, if she had been deeper, she would have acted more knowingly in 1 or 2 instances — I pity her from my soul; but still I do
‘not think that my society has exactly the effect upon her, you suppose — she is used to me; and there is a calmness, a kindly
‘coolness about me which I well know could spring from no earthly source but one — She often says how I am altered — She

[margin text:] Fahrenheit 51 3/4° at 7 10/60 a.m.
60 1/2° at 2 p.m.
52° at 10 1/2 ——

fine morning
very fine day —


198
1827
June
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‘fancies my unfortunate acquaintance with her and the misery she has endured, have alone worked this salutary reform; and she
‘often tells me, she is repaid — she declares, her 1st wish was to reform me; and, though she never dreampt of its costing her so
‘dearly, she will never repine at the price she has paid — She often tells me, she should be satisfied to see me happy, and
‘should rejoice at anything which gave me a home as comfortable as she hopes it will be by and by — Mary! I often wish I had
‘never seen her — yet still, as things are, I really do not foresee any possible worse-doing from going with her to Geneva, or
‘Ermenonville, or anywhere else — we now walk together almost every evening; and nothing ever occurs now, as
‘formerly, to annoy me — she sometimes says, ‘You know you need not begrudge me a little time now — I only take what you
‘spend in walking — You may as well have a companion as not — nobody would deny that — and I know not how soon I may
‘lose you for ever’ — In fact, Mary, perhaps I am going on as well as even you would wish — I begin to be tired of new
‘acquaintances; and, living as I do at present, I really must have someone to speak to — I have hours enough for contemplating each
‘different view of Solitude’ — then mention, that I sometimes think of going to live at Geneva, but what should I gain — I should be
farther from M- [Mariana] and feel that I am too far already — acknowledge a ‘restlessness of feeling’ — restless about her health —
‘Mary! would that I could go to Switzerland or anywhere [illegible] to divert my anxieties for a while! I have certainly never
‘felt as I used to feel, since leaving Boulogne — that day was dark indeed to me — I am sometimes ashamed of myself — I am
‘so now — Forgive me, Mary! I am not discontented — not impatient — It is the cloud of your ill health that hovers
‘round me — Surely it is passing away!’ — she shall have my address — will write every fortnight — ‘It will be a
‘harassing journey, we shall have so much to see in so short a time — though so much thrown together, we shall have
‘less time and opportunity for chit-chat than here — Jane can never be absent; and fatigue and sleep will overcome us after
‘our daily excursions — I want some rousing exercise, more than I can get in the Tuileries gardens or Champs Elysées where
‘sauntering tires me — But I will not run into danger’ — shall write to IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] ‘and tell her, she must not come before the 15th
of August’ — From 7 50/60 to 8 1/4 writing the above extract from my letter — then 20 minutes reading over M-’s [Mariana] letter and then from 8 35/60 to 12 40/60
vide bottom of page 3 after having been too despairing about M-’s [Mariana] disapprobation And thought that my going would ‘well nigh kill’ her thought she would be unhappy so wrote as follows wrote all but what I wrote on Monday of my letter of 3 ppages very long ends and very much under the seal small and close to M- [Mariana]
‘But my paper wastes fast; and I hasten to write here, at the bottom of my page, where you can easily find it, the following assurance —
‘I am persuaded you are always reasonable — you will weigh well my letter, and you will be satisfied — I shall rely upon
‘this till I hear from you again, and I shall make myself happy in the mean while — I shall do all I can to get quite well —
‘I shall take care of myself, and I will enjoy myself because I make sure that your next letter will confirm my present hopes — Believe, then,
‘that I am satisfied in the expectation that you will be so — I am happy in the expectation that you will be so — and so I promise
‘you to continue, unless your next letter gives me cause to do otherwise — ..... you will know that I am happy — plan for
‘me as you like for the future’ (had mentioned taking a small place near her or a small house at Congleton if they were likely to continue at Lawton but
bade her consider well — my aunt likely to live longer than after all M- [Mariana] might imagine — 10 or a dozen years) — ‘I can have no
wish but your happiness, as I have no hopes but such as you heard from me at Buxton, Manchester, and Boulogne ...... Remember,
‘I am, at all rates, happy till I hear from you again — write on the usual days — direct your next Poste restante à Basil en
‘Suisse, and the next but one Poste restante à Zurich en Suisse, and afterwards à Genève en Suisse — a letter is 4 days on
‘the road from Paris to Basil, and the same to Geneva — perhaps 7 days to Zurich — If your next be sent off as usual on Saturday the
‘16th instant (but send it off on Thursday the 14th if you can conveniently) I shall probably get it at Basil on the 23rd — But I
‘will write if only a few lines, every fortnight ..... the plan is a little changed, owing to my great wish to go to the top of the cathedral
‘at Strasbourg — (mention the height vide page 190.) — we are to set off at 7 a.m. this day week, shall get to Nancy at 5 a.m.
‘on the Sunday following (the 17th) rest there 24 hours, then proceed to Strasbourg — get there on Tuesday evening (the 19th) stay 2 days — then proceed
‘to Basil — perhaps we shall loiter on the way road, and be 2 days getting to Basil — Stay there 2 days, and then perhaps proceed direct to
‘Schaffhouse, to the celebrated falls of the Rhine — But I shall write from Basil’ — Speaking of Mr Willoughby Crewe and could trust her anywh
ere etc. ‘no! Mary, I should without one momentary feeling of mistrust, trust you with anyone and anywhere — I am assured of your affection — it is enough —
‘I must love and esteem you less, before I can doubt or be jealous — Mary! you mistake — this does not prove that I have ‘a mighty soul’, but that
‘my heart is too full of regard to have room for doubts and fears — I love and trust you; and must be changed ere I can be capable of any opposite
‘feeling — Mary! I love nothing earthly, as I love you — I trust nothing earthly as I trust you — my confidence you did not gain in haste —
‘gained with difficulty, but gained forever — Could you really feel towards me, as I do towards you, our hopes would be enough to make us happy —
‘But human nature will be human nature still’ — I love you — and excuse, and pity, and forgive whenever the flesh is weaker than the spirit —
I shall continue to make myself happy if you tell me you are satisfied God bless you — I am always and invariably very especially and entirely yours —
Dr. Tupper’s medicines have done do me good — I am better — 1/2 hour writing the last 27 lines and have sent off my letter at 1 1/4 to ‘Mrs. Lawton

[margin text:] π [Mariana] would understand my saying I was now as never before and could doubtless say as much six weeks hence true I have never had any connection with any woman
never really near Mrs Barlow and never will be —
DateJun 1827
Extent1 page
LevelPiece
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